::LP01, Part Two: Endings
Welcome to part 2 of this pictoral Let's Play. Are you ready for tons of filler
and constantly shifting narrative perspective? Then read on.
When last we joined our hero, he had just finished vanquishing the filth on
level three of the Dungeons of Doom. He had also just finished running around
in the dark, terrified of every footstep and echo that found its way to his ears
from out the looming blackness. His Goddess, Venus, had answered his prayers
and delivered unto him a staircase down which he might descend farther into the
depths of this perilous labyrinth.
Unfortunately for our hero, brave James the Ranger, this newest level of the
dungeon was no better than the last.
... So yeah, I'm encumbered at this point. I'm not sure what's causing it, but
I'm pretty sure it's the crystal ball I found a floor or two up. Did I not
mention that? Well anyway, I found a crystal ball. When I use it, I can
attempt to see enemies on the map of a certain type, so I don't want to get rid
of it just yet. Sadly, I had to... can't deal with being weighed down just yet,
and since I don't know the game well enough to make full use of this thing
anyway, I might as well get rid of it.
The creeping darkness was still prevalent, and our hero has yet to procure
anything that could emit for him any amount of light. Indeed, his only choice
once again is to walk blindly into the dark, where he will mentally map the
walls that he bumps into and shoot his enemies at contact distance with his bow.
Actually, it's not quite as bad as it seems. For whatever reason, our hero is
able to see his immediate surrounding area pretty well. Perhaps there is a bit
of light, just not enough to see more than five or ten feet away? In any case,
it's time for our hero to move on.
It isn't long before our hero is confronted by more pesky Dwarves and Gnomes.
Why are these people so hostile to brave James the Ranger? Are they employed by
the wicked sorceror, dreaded Whatshisface? I can only assume so, and the one
realistic course of action to take in this scenario is obvious: Shoot them in
their stupid faces with my bow.
Odd creatures, these dungeon kin. Both shorter than a man or an elf, with the
Dwarf standing at about four feet and the Gnome being considerably smaller. The
Dwarves tend to have long, full beards whereas the Gnomes do not. In most ways,
a Dwarf is quite simialr to a man if a bit more stout than average, while the
Gnome is not. Its features are more exaggerated and knobby, almost comical in
an ugly way. Is it their shortness that unites these specimen, or are they
bound together by their mutual love of of the wicked wizard's gold?
TWANG! TWANG! Two arrows leave the bowstring at high velocity, crossing the
distance between me and the Dwarf - at this point, probably three feet or so -
and putting an end to his fetid existence. Well, the second one does, I missed
the first shot but whatever. I treat the Gnome to a similar fate and notice
that, suddenly, I feel more confident in my weapon skills.
I continue strolling through the darkness, attempting as best I can to find an
exit from this place when suddenly, to my southeast, I hear a terrible buzzing
sound.
Egads! A giant killer bee!
Fortunately, these insects prove not to be arrow-resistant and are soon oozing
husks of exoskeletal lifelessness, more pincushion than bee. I make quick work
of another one, and another, and... uh-oh. What's... what's going on here?
With horror, our hero realizes that he may have stumbled into a hive of some
type. Not wanting to die an agonizing death of a thousand bee-stings, our hero
books it the fuck back the way he came, hoping to outrun this new menace or at
least find a bottleneck so as not to be swarmed on all sides.
Along the way his path is blocked by an imp with god-awful timing. Our hero is
lucky however; not only is the imp easily dispatched, but the killer bee menace
turned out to be a bit less overwhelming than previously assumed, as there were
only two remaining before the raging bee inferno was quelled.
And so onward do they trek, brave James the Ranger and his canine companion
Molly the Labrador, into regions unexplored on this level of the dungeon.
Before too much longer, they are confronted by a new threat, one deceptive in
its charm and its beauty.
A Mountain Nymph appears from the darkness, strolling gracefully toward him with
an alluring half-cocked smirk decorating an already beautiful face. She's
small, comparable in height to the Dwarf though perhaps just a bit taller, with
delicate features and a very slender figure. She is dressed in a soft, flowing
gown that matches her deep brown eyes and hair, hips swaying back and forth as
she approaches our hero who is struck, mouth agape before this near-flawless
young woman.
She beams a smile in our hero's direction, and once again he finds himself
grateful for the cloak of displacement that he wears. This perfect creature,
this Mountain Nymph has mistaken our hero's shade for the man himself, and as
she tries to seduce the shade our hero sees a glint coming from the creature.
Is it the steel of a readied dagger? The glass of a vial of poison? Or is it
just the hint of malice in her eyes that betrays her intention? In an instant,
brave James the Ranger recalls the lessons he'd learned about Nymphs and the
warnings he'd been given about this dungeon.
"Nothing is safe, everything wants to kill you," they said. And he could
believe it.
Before this lovely woman is given the chance to destroy our hero, he brings his
bow to bear and fires two rounds into her face, destroying it and leaving a
pretty, crumpled corpse on the floor. He hates to have ruined such a perfect
thing, but alas, his Goddess demands the Amulet and he does not want to die.
Walking around for some time, our hero finally comes across a most interesting
item:
HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH. A goddamn lamp! Finally, after all this time, I can see
where the hell I'm going. Time to explore this level of the dungeon a bit, now
that I can actually see.
What.
A fucking water trap? Are you... seriously, game? Seriously?
Luckily, turns out that I was able to reactivate the lamp. I find I'm soon
ready to leave, so Molly and I decide to blow this popsicle stand. That is,
after waiting around for the dog to show up by the stairs for a million
goddamn years. Whatever. We descend to level five.
Do mine eyes deceive me, or is this room... lit? Finally, we're done with that
darkness crap! Alright! Come on Molly, we'll find our way out of here in no
time I'm sure. This should be a bit easier too, since I can actually see stuff
before I have to run into it with my ranged character.
Oh.. well, that was quick I guess. I suppose we should go down.
Wellllll... then again, there's no telling what sort of cool shit is on this
level. And hey, leveling up is always fun, and so is honing one's martial
prowess. Damn. Looks like our hero's explorer's instinct has kicked in and
it's time to see what this level's got to offer. Stairs can wait.
What's all this, then? This looks like a city or something. Is that what it
is? I didn't know this game had cities. I guess I'll look around, then.
WHAM! WHAM! Our hero bravely kicks down a few locked doors and murders a Gnome
or two. More hostile Gnomes! Geez, what is it with these guys? Can't they see
I'm on a noble quest to plunder their homes and steal the Amulet of Yendor for
my Goddess that doesn't seem to be entirely thrilled with me anyway? They will
pay for their crimes, I guarantee it!
TWANG TWANG! More dead Gnomes. WHAM! Another bravely kicked-in door. Some
asshole shouts something at me about "How dare I break his door" or something, I
wasn't paying attention... until he started shooting at me with some wands.
Hmmmm... this could be bad.
I guess this is a shopkeeper's place, then. I bravely flee the scene of the
crime - and by crime I mean that jerkoff who started shooting at me for no
reason of course - and try to bravely make my way back to the staircase to run
away. If Molly wants to come along, she better move her doggy ass. Sadly, it
doesn't look like our hero is fast enough to outrun the clerk and his wands, so
in a last-ditch effort to save my life, I begin reading some of the unidentified
scrolls in my inventory, hoping that one of them will teleport me away from this
horrible situation I find myself in.
So I manage to read a scroll of Detect Treasure (you know, that spell I already
have memorised) before I'm gunned down by the shopkeeper's magic.
Alas, it seems this is the end of the road for brave James the Ranger. Death is
permanent in NetHack, as it is in other Roguelikes, so this is the last we shall
see of this particular hero. What an end, to be viciously murdered by a
shopkeeper for no good reason at all.
That's the end of this Let's Play. I may end up doing another, since I feel
this one was cut a bit short.
For those interested, here's a text dump of James the Ranger. Keep in mind that
almost none of this was identified, so most of this is as much new to me as it
is to you.
:: james_RanHuMaNeu_2011-08-18.txt